Icy on the driveway…

and a little bit of snow on the ground.  I slid all of the way down the driveway taking the garbage can to the curb this morning.  It is 27 degrees and not going to get much warmer today so I will have to be careful this morning while I am out running errands.  So, I guess winter has officially started in Central Illinois even though the calendar says it is a bit too early.  I repeat, I do not like winter!!  My Wisconsin relatives will be leaving the day after Christmas to spend the whole winter in Arizona.  They have invited me to come for a visit.  I would love that.  I have never visited Arizona.  If I ever get rid of all of these doctor visits I just might consider that.

I did get the bathroom cleaned yesterday, even going so far as to clean everything in there.  Whew that ought to last for a few days. 

I put more decorations out in the living room, even putting up one that Jim made many years ago.  I didn’t get a very good picture of it but it gives you the general idea.

 

  He made many decorations but this is the only one that was small enough for me to save when I moved.  My friends Rex and Sandi called me the other night to tell me that all of the inflatables that Jim used to put in our front yard are now in their front yard.  Mike (Jim’s nephew) has some more of Jim’s decorations.

I need to go out to start the car and clean the snow off.  I hope you all have a peaceful weekend.  Stay safe and be happy!!

Beth

A better day today…

I had the opportunity to speak to several friends at home yesterday, all saddened by the news of our friend’s passing.  I am so very grateful to you all for the comments left on my blog yesterday.

Sunday was a wonderful day spent with family.  My son and daughter and son in law were here for food and laughter.I sent the leftover food home with my son.  I cleaned out the freezer too and so today I had to go to the store to restock the TV dinners.  My son brought me a box of the homemade chocolates that I love and a card that plays Rock Around the Clock for my birthday which is next Sunday.  The day I celebrate with my Tennessee Twin.

*****************************************************************************

Today would have been Jim’s birthday.  For Jim:

I thought of you today

But that is nothing new.

I thought about you yesterday,

And the days before that too.

I think of you in silence,

I often speak your name.

I know all I have is memories,

And your picture in a frame,

My memory is my keepsake,

With which I will never part,

God has you in His keeping,

I have you in my heart.

Below is one of my favorite pictures of the two of us taken a blue moon ago.  Miss you Jim!!

  Beth

Retro Post

8/10/2006
Hospital again...
Yesterday Jim started with nosebleeds and is back in the hospital again. His white count is down so they are giving him shots for that and a saline drip with potassium in it as his potassium is low. He felt really bad yesterday and this morning but this afternoon he was feeling better and insisted I come home to get some rest. He should get to come home tomorrow if his blood count starts to rise.

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and prayers.

Retro Post 12/28/2006

12/28/2006
Getting things done...

The days are moving by. Not very quickly. It is dark when I get up in the morning and dark by 4:30. We are past the winter solstice so the days are getting a tiny bit longer. It is time for me to move forward.

My sister Rae is babysitting me all of the way from WV by telephone several times a day. My next door neighbors find reasons to call and stop by. My son calls me just about every night extending an invitation for me to visit him for a while.

Right now I am just staying put. I have had some people inquiring about the truck. I have cleaned it out and the precious hat has been put in a place of honor.

I am getting legal things straightened out. I hope. Everybody wants a copy of everything.

I need to get to the auto dealer and get an oil change, and just get the car checked.

This is enough rambling for today. I'll be stopping by to visit you all over the next few days. Thank you for your loving kindness and support.

Retro Post 12/19/2006

12/19/2006
I am trying...
I am trying so hard to put things in their proper order and try to get on with my life. The least little thing brings tears to my eyes. I went out to start the truck a few days ago and there was Jim's slouch hat laying on the driver's side. That just about finished me off. A few days before he died he had me help him to the truck as he wanted to drive it one last time. He did drive around town for about 10 minutes and then we had to come home as he was tired. He left his hat laying in the seat. I will have to get the truck cleaned out to sell one of these days but I hate so to move the hat.

On the Saturday before he died he had me get out decorations for the window, the Christmas tree and the fiber optic angels. I was tired and wanted to wait until the next day to do it. However, I did get them out and he put the lights up around the window and put up the Christmas tree. I couldn't force myself to turn on those lights until last night at which time I lit the angels, window and tree. I figured I owed that much to Jim as he had gone to so much effort to do a little bit of decorating. If you have read my blog at Christmas you know he so loved to decorate the whole outside with so many lights it was blinding. I sat down in his chair and just looked at them. It was beautiful!

I am still trying to get all legal aspects tied up. There have been so many things to do it has boggled my mind. I am not in the blogging spirit right now so forgive me if my posts are sporadic. I will be back to posting and visiting regularly when my mind settles down.

Wishing you all a blessed Christmas.

Retro Post 12/12/2006

12/12/2006
Alone...


I have been alone in the house for two days now... I am sitting at my computer drinking my coffee at 6 in the morning. This is not anything new. What is new is knowing that Jim is not in his chair for me to go and check on every 2 or 3 minutes. I can't hold his hand and tell him things will get better. I feel his presence everywhere.

I am not alone. God is with me too.

Retro Post 12/9/2006

12/9/2006
So long for a little while...
Jim's memorial service was yesterday morning. It was beautiful. There was a nice luncheon served at the church afterwards. I said goodbye to my soulmate for a little while.

My sister from WV has been helping me get my affairs in order. I have gone through a long list of things and I have another long list of things to do. I don't know what I would have done without her. They are leaving for home tomorrow and I will be alone for the first time since Jim has been gone. The true grieving begins tomorrow when I will be alone.

I love you all for your thoughts, prayers, and comments. May God Bless you all richly!

Retro Post 12/1/2006

Today I lost my best friend...
Today I lost the dearest friend that I will ever have. Tomorrow would have been our anniversary.

Jim passed away this afternoon at 3:15 PM at St James Hospital close to Chicago. My heart is broken.

Thank you all for the kind thoughts and prayers you shared with us these past months. Bless you all.

Retro Post 11/3/2006

11/3/2006
Jim is home with me...
My dearest friends. I am just now on the computer for the first time in over a week. I spent day and night at the hospital. Jim has survived dialysis twice, heart problems and 10 units of blood. Tonight he came home with me. When we went in the hospital a week ago last Wednesday I was afraid that he wouldn't be coming home again. Today the nurses called him a miracle. There will be no more chemo unless the doctor comes up with a kinder version. This salvage chemo is a killer and the doctor himself said it was too much for Jim.

His kidney function is improving. Today it was 3.4 (creatine). On Saturday it was 5.9. It should be 1 or below. Last Saturday morning I received word that Jim's sister in Florida passed away. The doctor's told me that I couldn't tell him as his heart was misbehaving. Finally yesterday I told him. I had kept that inside me for almost a week and I was becoming a total emotional wreck. It was heartbreaking for him and he just looked at me and said that he wondered why she hadn't called all week.

The power of prayer is awesome. Thank you all!!

Rose, my dear friend, it was so good to talk to you on the phone last night. I am glad you got a space and I am coming to visit it right now.

Retro Post

8/14/2006
Monday, unsatisfactory day...


I don't know if being out yesterday was the reason or not, but Jim coughed all of last night. We saw the oncologist today. His white blood count is dangerously low. He will get a shot every day this week to boost it. He can't have visitors and is on antibiotic. This brought his spirits down and he wasn't able to ride around the neighborhood on his Rascal.

Monday was an unsatisfactory day on the Young & the Restless too. I know I have probably mentioned 100 or more times how hooked I am on that soap. I actually get vicious when some major world event interrupts it. When the prez interrupts I get homicidal. LOL Now to get to what is aggravating on Y&R now. They are killing John off and not quickly I might add. He will have to lay in the hospital bed hooked up to life support for days until all of the family is gathered around. John is older than dirt (older than me even) so why couldn't they just let him go quickly and be done with it?? They did the same thing with Cassie about this time last year. Sharon is on a long vacation so they have had her kidnapped. Yes, if this was all I had to worry about life would be wonderful...

Retro Post

August 2006.

Rambling thoughts...
Wednesday, but who's counting...

When I was working we called Wednesday 'hump day' because the work week was half done. Thursday was 'kaka day,' Sure Happy It's Thursday. Of course Friday was T.G.I.F. day. You knew all of these things, didn't you?

When you are retired the days all run together. Especially during illness. I might look at Jim or he look at me and ask what day of the week it is. This year I have lost track of the months of April, May, June, July and now August. Jim has been in the hospital so many times I have lost count. To find out I would have to look in my daily journal that I try to update weekly.

This summer has been extremely hot and dry. Our rain total for June, July and August is about 2 1/2 inches. The grass is turning brown. The flowers are dying, mostly because I haven't kept them watered. Our water bill averages $50 a month for just the two of us. Our neighbors who have kids at home average $100 or more a month for water. This does not include garbage pickup which is $26 a month. Don't believe anyone who says it is cheaper to live in a little bitty town. Not so!!

John is still hanging on via life support on Y&R. As soon as the final family member gets there they will pull the plug. Sharon has been rescued from the kidnappers and Brad killed both kidnappers. Gotta love my soap. This is the only one I watch.

Jim and I head off after lunch to get his shot and a blood count. Sure hope and pray things are looking better for him.

I am typing this through Windows Live Spaces. Download it and try it. I really like it. Thanks Cheryl for telling us about it.

Retro Post

8/17/2006
Thursday...

Jim's white count was up yesterday. He had another Procrit shot and we see the doctor again on Monday.

PIONEERS

Deep in the heart of every one,
There is a wide frontier,
A vast expanse to overcome,
Beset with toil and tear.

There is no smooth and easy path,
Each one must find their way,
And prove their merit traveling on
With Faith, from day to day.

~ Dovie A. Owens

Retro Post

8/19/2006
Saturday...
Today was a better one for Jim. He felt better and the cough seems to be going away. The effects of this chemotherapy have been horrendous. My heart aches when I can't make him feel better.

He felt well enough to ride with me to do a bit of shopping today. I visited the Card Shop where I got just a little bit aggravated. Jim waited for me in the car while I chose several greeting cards. I took them to the front of the store to be checked out. There were 5 clerks there and they were all blowing up orange and blue balloons. I waited about 5 minutes to be checked out; each of the clerks seeing me there but ignoring me. Finally one came up to half-heartedly wait on me. I realize it is more fun blowing up balloons but I had Jim waiting for me in the car and I didn't want to be in the store overnight.

As the clerk was checking me out she started carrying on a conversation with another person. I told her if she felt she was too busy to wait on me just to say so and I would be happy to leave. Thankfully that shut her mouth and she finished ringing up my purchase.

Question: Do young people (this clerk was young) realize when they are being rude? Sadly this is the norm rather than a once in a while happening.

And that is my rant for the day. The students at the UI were moving back on campus this wknd and I imagine the balloons were for a party.

Retro Post

8/25/2006
Friday...
This morning was great. For a few hours we pretended that everything was as it used to be.

We left in our truck to go garage saling. Jim was driving and I got out and went to the sales. We stopped by Walmart where Jim rode the battery powered chair around and I walked. Then we stopped at the buffet for lunch.

Home again, shortly after noon, Jim was worn out so he lay down for a rest. I went out to the garden to keep busy and not think. I cleaned out all of the inside of the garden. All I have left now are the lima bean vines.

We saw the kidney specialist yesterday. Very nice man (handsome too, I have always thought he was the best looking doctor we have ever come in contact with). He explained a lot of things to us that a couple of other doctors never had. He said that if things progress over the next 3 chemo treatments like they have with this one that Jim probably would end up on dyalisis. He said he talked to the oncologist about alternative meds but was told this bad one was the only one that would kill the lymphoma..That brightened our day. (NOT!) The choice is clear, take the chemo, because if you don't you most likely won't be around to worry about having dyalisis.

We will go on as we have been, living one day at a time and trusting in the Man Upstairs.

Retro Post

8/30/2006
Wednesday, home again...
The last few days have been traumatic ones. Jim was hospitalized on Sunday with fluid on his left lung and pneumonia. I just brought him home from the hospital today. But another side effect of the chemo. This puts off his next round of chemo which could be dangerous as the lymphoma will start to grow again.

I returned my new computer from Sam's ( they returned my money with no question) and had the same folks that built my previous computer build me another one. I just got it today so I haven't had access to the internet for the last few days. Sorry to leave everyone without letting you all know. I spent all day long each day at the hospital.

I am very tired. I will be around to visit everyone tomorrow if possible. Thank you all for your comments and prayers.
7:09 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (12) | Permalink | Blog it | Health and wellness

Retro Post

8/31/2006
Thursday...
While Jim was resting today I spent more time cleaning out the garden. I picked the rest of the lima beans and took down some of the vines. I still have some more work to do there. We finally got some rain so the yard needs mowing. I would like to do it myself as it is good therapy. I will have to sneak out early in the morning to do it or my good samaritan neighbors will beat me to it.

Jim did not feel well today. He is still having pain and we don't know if it is the pneumonia or the lymphoma. His red blood count is low so he is getting procrit shots. I feel so helpless.

Retro Post

7/2/2006
Sunday...
We are home from the hospital a few minutes ago. They kept Jim overnight because they used a new drug in the chemo and were watching for any side effects. So far, so good! It had been exactly one year ago when he had his last chemo treatment. We had about 9 months where he felt good and was able to get out and go places. I thank God for that time.

It is very hot here today. 94.5 as I read it. Too hot to do anything outside so I will tackle the watering of the flowers and garden when it is cooler this evening. I wonder if I will be serenaded tonight from 2 doors down. If so, I would request George Jones instead of Charlie Daniels. E., the Nascar/Gordon fan, has decorated for the 4th and has a big sign that says 'honk for freedom' on it in his front yard. I think he puts this sign out and then leaves. That is what he did last year. lol The traffic in our little town is not so heavy that we only hear a horn honk every few minutes. I'll honk for freedom myself!!

Heartfelt thanks to each of you for your comments and your prayers. We love you all! God Bless You!

Retro Post

7/3/2006
The roommate, humor in the hospital...
Jim's roommate this hospital stay was a retired environmental psychology professor from the U of I. He was a great guy. His nationality was Japanese. He was on his 10th day in the hospital for pneumonia. When we left to come home yesterday he was still there.

Saturday evening I left the hospital to come home about 8:00PM. Yesterday morning when I arrived back at the hospital the professor was dead serious when he told me that Jim saved his life and he owed him one. I thought what in the world was he talking about.

The professor had been trying over and over for 45 minutes around 11:00 PM the night before to get some help to get him to the bathroom. No one answered his call light. Finally Jim got up, unhooked his own IV drip, went over to the professor's bed, unhooked his different IV drips and helped him into the bathroom. The professor made it just in time. Jim said he heard a big splat the minute he got sat down in the bathroom. I can't help it, I have to laugh when I tell this. Here are these two sick fellows waiting for someone to answer the professor's call light. When no one shows up after 45 minutes, Jim takes matters in his own hands and helps the professor into the bathroom. Just picture it.

When someone finally showed up about 1/2 hour later Jim asked her where she had been. She said the shift was changing. Big deal? Would they have liked to have cleaned up kaka? Anyway, both guys are planning to write about this on the survery that the hospital sends out. Not that it will make one bit of difference.

Retro Post

7/6/2006
Update for Jim, Banana Bread, and a new curb, what more could a person want?


Jim is doing well. His voice was gone on Tuesday but it is much better today. He sees the oncologist tomorrow for a blood count. He is on his 5th day of predisone and that makes him hyper and antsy, plus really hungry.

I made Banana Bread today.

1 cup of margarine
2 cups of sugar
4 eggs (cream together with margarine and sugar)
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons soda
4 cups flour (mix the soda and salt in this and set aside)
6 large bananas mashed
1 cup chopped pecans

325 degrees (preheated oven) for 1 hour and 15 minutes in large loaf pans sprayed with Pam. If you use smaller pans as I do it doesn't take as long. Check for doneness with a toothpick. This makes a lot of batter so be sure and use a big enough bowl.

The curb is being poured as I am typing this. Jim has a chair sat up in front of the window where he is eating banana bread and supervising everything.

Life is good today. Thank you God!

Retro Post

7/7/2006
Finally, able to post on my space...
I have been trying all day long to post on here. Everytime I try to edit my space my computer locks up.

This afternoon Jim saw his oncologist. His blood count is falling which is normal after chemo. It does put him at risk being around other people though. His sister and niece from Florida are flying here to see us this Wednesday for a few days. On a week from tomorrow (Saturday) we have planned a family get together. Jim's nephew from Wisconsin is planning to be here along with his daughters and their significant others. Also our daughter and son-in-law and our son. I have decided to put a smiley face tag on the front of Jim that says "Please, no hugs, my immune system is down." I am hoping that will work. Your opinion please.

Yesterday, in the midst of my euphoric bread baking the dreaded Japanese beetles defoliated a tree in our front yard, a tree next door and a tree across the street. The trees are totally dead looking. It took a matter of just a few minutes for the beetles to do this. I went outside and looked and there were literally thousands of them eating the foliage on the new tree in our front yard. The tree next door is about 15 years old and it was totally defoliated too. I didn't get a picture because just the sight of it was making me feel sick. Is my poor little garden next??